i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
