I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Semen is not good for contacts.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
