I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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