There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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