Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
