Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
