You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
