So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
