I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
