btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
