I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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