I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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