She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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