ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
