On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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