hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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