I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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