Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
