Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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