At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ttyl tear gas
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
