you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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