I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Actions speak louder than pants.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
