i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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