for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
