how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
