I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
