He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
