and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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