Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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