When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
