oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
