Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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