I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
