Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
