so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
