Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
