I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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