My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no, he came in my armpit
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
