how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
