You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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