come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
