It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
