Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
