i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
