so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
