I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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