Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
