Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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