you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
