im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
