I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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