I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
