Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
