wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
