i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
