four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm bleeding and have questions
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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