her vagine was all disorganized.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
