Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
